Thoughts I’m grappling with now and would like to put down lest (no, because) they pass:

In a world that has seemed to just gone up in flames... I understand though, from far, the indifference and in fact the puzzlement of the reactions of the people here. And yes while some of it seems cultural – the need to talk, to give voice, the insistence on the right of the individual to speak – very American indeed; I do believe these are not un-important things. Listening to those around me, I feel I have had the privilege to be in some of these safe and often private spaces of anger, grief, confusion, mourning, hopelessness. And I see the importance of validating these feelings, and providing an open and safe space for people to simply come, to simply express the tumult of these emotions and feelings. I cannot claim to understand, to feel as they feel, but I can only give my paltry offering of attempting to be that space. Systemic and structural oppression is so real, so real. And it’s not just the suffering, but that we imbibe these ideologies and internalise these structures and perpetuate it. This frustrates me, angers me. Also to realise that these structures have been instituted by the traditional economic, racial elite. No one creates structures against their own interests. So too the elites, consciously or subconsciously, create and perpetuate structures that cement their positions of power. And the thought that I am complicit in this too?? That is a sick feeling, and a helpless one. But we do need champions, don’t we? Just thinking about the history of this oppression that stretches back centuries, when people decided that what they had and what they saw was just not enough, and desired more, at the expense of others. When people conceived that they were at the centre of the world and conceptualised the other to revolve around that centre... Nothing new, to be sure. But heartbreaking all the same. It is true, why should the oppressed be the ones to continually be patient, and extend that grace? Why should they have to surrender their rights over and over again, only to be told that is the right thing to do, and to have that grace and patience so utterly taken for granted? As one in privilege, especially going home, can I be the one instead to surrender my rights and to put my life on the line to fight for those that have been so disenfranchised and disempowered? Even perhaps to the extent that they don’t even know? What is oppression, what is sexism, racism, what is suffering beyond what we can tangibly see and know? God give me vision and give me clarity. Direct me to the people and things on your heart, because I don’t know, we don’t know, they don’t know. But I know your heart is breaking, and that you are unquestioningly good and wise.

I believe in the sanctity of every person. I don’t believe in my discourse over yours, though sometimes it might seem that way. I believe in a value of rightness and of truth, but I believe that is given by God and not me. Sometimes it seems hard to differentiate, and it seems hard to know what to do and how to respond though... But can my values, my faith, and my worldview be one that so cruelly excludes, punishes, and denigrates this “other”? We are not other. We are all created in the image of God – for now there is neither Jew nor Greek, male nor female, in Christ Jesus. I struggle with this too.